Lyzsi SinclairDear George Lucas, please stop.
A long, long time ago in a studio far, far away, a short fat bearded guy made a film about a kid called Skywalker who, despite some Oedipal issues and a tendency to act like a 6-year-old when perturbed, was quite a good space pilot.
And lo, it was good. Of course, today those original Star Wars films look quite dated, but one can easily see how they changed the face of cinema. They ushered in an age of monster blockbusters with big characters, big set-pieces and even bigger budgets. Most of them were rubbish but quite a few were eminently watchable, and George Lucas was considered the grandaddy, the visionary, the insert-hyperbolic-superlative -here of modern Hollywood film.
However, slowly, inevitably, George Lucas began to turn to the dark side. Unlike his bestest buddy Steven Spielberg, he no longer wanted to tell stories, but rather he wanted to make money out of movie spin-offs. Steven, being Steven, could do both. In fact, Steven can do anything and may in fact be the latest Jewish messiah, only nobody has noticed because he's been busy making movies. But I digress.
I'm not here to complain that Lucas sold out. Good for him. If all I had to do to make a few hundred million dollars was mass-market some plastic crap to an eager public, I'd be asking where I sign up. But enough is enough. I'm here to tell everyone else that it is just a movie. George has enough money, and that shit you are buying has always been shit and always will be shit, no matter whether it is taken out of the box or not.
And who the hell over the age of six wants to see The Clone Wars? The film has made $US20 million or so since it came out last month, and I reckon that's about $19.9 million more than needed to be spent worldwide for us all to know that the film was a Saturday morning cartoon on the big screen. Should not the sheer blandness of Jar Jar Binks & Friends (aka Eps 1,2 and 3) have convinced the cinema-going (and plastic crap-buying) public that whatever George once had, it's loooong gone.
I saw Indiana Jones 4. I love Indy. Everyone does. George killed him. That's right, it was George's fault that Crystal Skull sucked. He vetoed the Darabont script. Truly, anything the man touches these days turns to sludge, but somehow the sludge continues to make money.
So, world, stop it. Just stop it. Lucas is like heroin - you remember the good times, and you want them so bad... but every time you go back it just gets worse.
So give up. Go cold turkey. Throw out your plastic pieces of shit, give away the DVDs to charity as coasters. Join a program and help others to figure out it was just a movie, and the man has been milking it for thirty years.
Remember, Star Wars geeks, the life you get may be your own.
And lo, it was good. Of course, today those original Star Wars films look quite dated, but one can easily see how they changed the face of cinema. They ushered in an age of monster blockbusters with big characters, big set-pieces and even bigger budgets. Most of them were rubbish but quite a few were eminently watchable, and George Lucas was considered the grandaddy, the visionary, the insert-hyperbolic-superlative -here of modern Hollywood film.
However, slowly, inevitably, George Lucas began to turn to the dark side. Unlike his bestest buddy Steven Spielberg, he no longer wanted to tell stories, but rather he wanted to make money out of movie spin-offs. Steven, being Steven, could do both. In fact, Steven can do anything and may in fact be the latest Jewish messiah, only nobody has noticed because he's been busy making movies. But I digress.
I'm not here to complain that Lucas sold out. Good for him. If all I had to do to make a few hundred million dollars was mass-market some plastic crap to an eager public, I'd be asking where I sign up. But enough is enough. I'm here to tell everyone else that it is just a movie. George has enough money, and that shit you are buying has always been shit and always will be shit, no matter whether it is taken out of the box or not.
And who the hell over the age of six wants to see The Clone Wars? The film has made $US20 million or so since it came out last month, and I reckon that's about $19.9 million more than needed to be spent worldwide for us all to know that the film was a Saturday morning cartoon on the big screen. Should not the sheer blandness of Jar Jar Binks & Friends (aka Eps 1,2 and 3) have convinced the cinema-going (and plastic crap-buying) public that whatever George once had, it's loooong gone.
I saw Indiana Jones 4. I love Indy. Everyone does. George killed him. That's right, it was George's fault that Crystal Skull sucked. He vetoed the Darabont script. Truly, anything the man touches these days turns to sludge, but somehow the sludge continues to make money.
So, world, stop it. Just stop it. Lucas is like heroin - you remember the good times, and you want them so bad... but every time you go back it just gets worse.
So give up. Go cold turkey. Throw out your plastic pieces of shit, give away the DVDs to charity as coasters. Join a program and help others to figure out it was just a movie, and the man has been milking it for thirty years.
George Lucas - Just say no!
Remember, Star Wars geeks, the life you get may be your own.
